07/29: Obama snubbed by Chelsea?
If you've seen the recent headlines, you know Chelsea Clinton's wedding is just around the corner. You probably also know that Obama wasn't invited to the nuptials. Gasp!!
I thought the headline was ridiculous - I'm not entirely sure how that's newsworthy but the media can make people care (or pretend to care) about just about anything. Even though the Obama snub is ridiculous....the bigger issue is the fact that making guest list choices can be tough. Where do you draw the line and how do you make those tough cuts?
A lot of my clients face guest list drama. I'd say creating the guest list is 75% of the stress between a bride, her groom, and the families involved. While there's no hard and fast solution to making everyone happy, I thought I'd offer just a few quick tips as you muddle through your guest list...
1. Start your list without anyone else's input. Who are those people that IMMEDIATELY come to mind that HAVE to be at your wedding day? As in, you can't imagine your day without them. Just write them off - almost stream of consciousness brainstorming. Just write and write until your brain runs out of the must-haves. Have your fiance do the same thing. Chances are, after this loose process, your guest list will be at least 50-60% complete.
2. Then, allow parents to create their list. To set the tone early that perhaps not everyone they want can be invited - ask them to create their A list and their B list. It sounds harsh, but this makes them prioritize right out of the gate and they know that having to make tough cuts might be in their future...but some of the work (and emotion) will be cut down because they've already created their must-have and would-like-to-have lists.
Now, see how all of that stacks up and where your numbers roll in. If you've got room to keep going - then do just that. Take out your address book, your Blackberry, whatever you need to keep brainstorming. If your list (and capacity) has been met from that process, well, mission accomplished.
There are lots of "excuses" you can use if someone (like Obama) got snubbed from the guest list and perhaps family or friends (probably not the media) are talking about it. Budget constraints, limited space - those are pretty easy and non-emotional reasons. If you know someone might be upset that they're not invited - have your mom or mother-in-law broach the topic with them one-on-one so they don't find out in an awkward way or cause a scene at your next family gathering.
Another quick tip - find one, swift way to make a large cut. For my own wedding, I had about 35 second cousins to invites. When we had literally maxed out on how much room we had at the reception - we cut all of the 2nd cousins from the invite list. This made it consistent across the board so one cousin wasn't upset that another one was invited and they weren't.
Making (and cutting) the guest list is tough and there's not a magic solution - just do your best and START early!
I hope Obama gets over the snub but, somehow, I think he's got more on his mind than Chelsea's wedding with the $20,000 port-a-potties.
I thought the headline was ridiculous - I'm not entirely sure how that's newsworthy but the media can make people care (or pretend to care) about just about anything. Even though the Obama snub is ridiculous....the bigger issue is the fact that making guest list choices can be tough. Where do you draw the line and how do you make those tough cuts?
A lot of my clients face guest list drama. I'd say creating the guest list is 75% of the stress between a bride, her groom, and the families involved. While there's no hard and fast solution to making everyone happy, I thought I'd offer just a few quick tips as you muddle through your guest list...
1. Start your list without anyone else's input. Who are those people that IMMEDIATELY come to mind that HAVE to be at your wedding day? As in, you can't imagine your day without them. Just write them off - almost stream of consciousness brainstorming. Just write and write until your brain runs out of the must-haves. Have your fiance do the same thing. Chances are, after this loose process, your guest list will be at least 50-60% complete.
2. Then, allow parents to create their list. To set the tone early that perhaps not everyone they want can be invited - ask them to create their A list and their B list. It sounds harsh, but this makes them prioritize right out of the gate and they know that having to make tough cuts might be in their future...but some of the work (and emotion) will be cut down because they've already created their must-have and would-like-to-have lists.
Now, see how all of that stacks up and where your numbers roll in. If you've got room to keep going - then do just that. Take out your address book, your Blackberry, whatever you need to keep brainstorming. If your list (and capacity) has been met from that process, well, mission accomplished.
There are lots of "excuses" you can use if someone (like Obama) got snubbed from the guest list and perhaps family or friends (probably not the media) are talking about it. Budget constraints, limited space - those are pretty easy and non-emotional reasons. If you know someone might be upset that they're not invited - have your mom or mother-in-law broach the topic with them one-on-one so they don't find out in an awkward way or cause a scene at your next family gathering.
Another quick tip - find one, swift way to make a large cut. For my own wedding, I had about 35 second cousins to invites. When we had literally maxed out on how much room we had at the reception - we cut all of the 2nd cousins from the invite list. This made it consistent across the board so one cousin wasn't upset that another one was invited and they weren't.
Making (and cutting) the guest list is tough and there's not a magic solution - just do your best and START early!
I hope Obama gets over the snub but, somehow, I think he's got more on his mind than Chelsea's wedding with the $20,000 port-a-potties.
